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Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language. He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating. The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the fuck is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!". The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"
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The head Nun of the convent called all 100 Nuns into the foyer for an emergency meeting.

"Last night," She started "I found something terrible in one of the sisters rooms."
99 Nuns "Oh no"
1 Nun "He, he"

"A condom!" said the head Nun.
99 Nuns "Oh no"
1 Nun "He, he"

Head Nun "And it was used!"
99 Nuns "Oh no"
1 Nun "He, he"

Head Nun "And it had a hole in it!"
1 Nun "Oh no"
99 Nuns "He, he"
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3 guys get pulled over by a woman cop.

They tried to get out of the speeding ticket, so the woman said if all ur dicks equal up to 15 inches ill let you off.

The driver pulls out his dick which is 7 inches.

The guy in the front of the passenger seat pulls his out which is 6 inches.

The last guy in the back pulls his out and it's 2 inches.

So they get out of the ticket.

After a while they hear the guy laughing hysterically in the back.

The driver asks, "What's wrong why are you laughing?" the guy in back says good thing I was popping a boner.
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There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.

The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."

The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."

The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"

She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."